Archive for December, 2009

No blood – yet.

Today was a tough workout. Not because of excessively heavy weights or tremendously complicated new moves or even a mean trainer screaming in my face.

Today was tough because I found my boundary. I found what it is that has been holding me back from my goals. I found that my lack of motivation & commitment is not due to my perceived inability or current fitness level or disappointment in myself, but that plain & simple I just do not have anything really driving me like I did before.

It seemed like a simple enough task. Two alternating exercises (kettle bell swings & turkish get-ups) increasing the reps each round. At about round 4 it started getting tough. I started to doubt my ability to finish it through to 10. My workout partner was feeling it too. Paul tells her to focus on her snowboarding vacation & then turns to me. What is it I’m working towards? And that is when the tears started to flow – seriously impeding my ability to breathe.

Losing weight simply is not enough. When my muscles are screaming & my t-shirt is wet with sweat the ideal of thinness just does. not. cut it. I need something more. Something more important & vital to my life, to my well-being.

I cried through 2 sets & then settled into a bit of a rhythm. I won’t win any points for style (but with my coordination that’s hardly a surprise) but I finished. I pushed through when I just didn’t think I could.

But now I need to spend some time focusing & find what it is that will drive me. Something less superficial than a new dress.


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The Clock Has Been Rewound

I spent a lot of time with pregnant ladies this week.

My clock is ticking very loudly again.

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Things are looking up around here at night.

We have commenced Operation Night Weaning in the hopes of getting Mommy (that would be me) a little more uninterrupted shut eye. I was prepared for the worst but it’s been going quite well.

So well, in fact, that Diaperbutt slept 7 straight hours last night. I however did not because I kept waking up trying to figure out what the heck was going on.

Now after 3 nights of good long chunks of sleep (5, 5 & 7) I am looking forward to going to bed tonight!!! I am also well aware that typing that has probably already jinxed the anticipated sleep.

I tell you though, he was a hungry, hungry boy at 4:30 when he woke!!!

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Toddler = No Sleep?

We’ve been getting very little sleep around here & that is why I’ve been absent. Last night was better so we’ve got our fingers crossed tonight will be even better.

My baby is most definitely a toddler now & apparently that means he no longer likes going to bed. Sigh.

It’s making for very long days & even longer nights.

But this too shall pass.

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My Mom like shovelling. Actually enjoys it. If I didn’t look so much like her I would say that alone is proof I am not hers.

It’s really too bad she didn’t pass her snow shovelling love down to me – ’cause there sure is a good chunk of snow out there. I’m done my shovelling for tonight but the plow has not gone by so I know there will be more of it tomorrow.

And I am seriously questioning the “need” to keep our driveway 3 cars wide – after all we currently only have one car.

At least I’m not as grumpy over missing my training session tonight now. I worked up a good sweat & my back is aching from my 45 minutes of shovelling – so I’m counting it!

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Baaaad Baby

A friend was visiting last week. At one point I made an offhand comment on how Diaperbutt is such a baaaad baby. Her jaw literally dropped in horror & she quickly admonished me “There’s no such thing as a bad baby!”

I couldn’t stop laughing at her reaction & the realization that I have said this on here & in public before. I wonder how many people I have shocked?

Around here we use bad as a term of endearment – really, we do! The baby, the dogs, the cats & even each other get called bad – usually with an emphasis on the ‘aaaa’.

But come on now, "running" up the stairs when he spies the gate open IS just a little bad!!!

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(Is it possible to say that line without singing it?!)

I really like my home. Some days I have to remind myself of that when I get overwhelmed with all the things that still need to be done around here. But the work involved in owning an old house is balanced by a warmth & sense of being part of an intimate history. I like knowing so many other families have loved & argued, been born & died, enjoyed meals & good times together under this roof – it’s comforting to me.

This is our livingroom ceiling (excuse the ugly fan - we didn't choose it). It amazes me how long someone must have spent putting together this ceiling.

But most of my favourite things are the items in my house that make it feel like home – things that keep us warm regardless of what roof is over our heads.

Grumpy Bear snuggled down deep under a quilt his mother made us. This quilt is so heavy & warm - nothing more heavenly than hearing a winter storm outside while lying snug & warm inside.

Things that are just plain fun.

Diaperbutt's toy collection - his favourite game currently is to empty the blocks out & spread them around the room as much as possible.

And things that give me a sense of satisfaction because I made them with my own two hands to take care of my family.

The basket of diapers full & ready for use. The yellow flannel I was not so thrilled about when I made them is starting to fade to really nice shade now.

Or things that Grumpy Bear & I & our wonderful friends & family worked together to make our home more nourishing & welcoming.

The shelves over the sink are one of my favourite aspects of our kitchen. We still need to find shelf brackets that we really like but for now these will do the job (& the electrical you see hanging down is shut off - waiting for future under cabinet lighting).

And although we joke often about their “badness” level our house would not be the same without our furry four-legged companions. There is little that feels more “right” to me than to sit quietly in the livingroom hearing the deep breathing of sleeping animals scattered about the room – it’s pretty hard to not feel all is right in the world when they are so content.

Sweet pup.

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